Warning: I write what is in my heart and mind and sometimes they both say bad words.
Comfort Zones are kind of like the story of the dancing chicken. (Flashback to the movie Pure Country) At the carnival a dancing chicken was one of the sideshows.The owner would put a chicken on the table and make it dance when the music was turned on. What the spectators couldn’t see was the hot plate neatly hidden and on under that chicken’s feet. As that chicken’s feet kept getting hotter and hotter it just kept dancing. The question: Why didn’t the chicken just step off?
Comfort can be as lethal as it is supposedly soothing. It makes you stay in situations and in places that are familiar, “safe” and don’t require any thought or extra energy to maintain the status quo. And if we are honest with ourselves even when our comfort zone becomes lethal and bad things are happening within our shielded world we just “take it” because that is all we know and think that we have no choice. Well that is a big bunch of bullshit!
BACKSTORY: When I first started going West I was coming off of my 2nd bad marriage and was convinced that I was pretty worthless. I was over it. Luckily I had some great kids that supported me in most any decision no matter how crazy it sounded. The one thing I knew was that I had to get away! And yes I know that you can’t run from your problems, blah, blah, blah. But I felt like I had to try!
I am a National Park junkie so I started traveling to parks that I hadn’t gone to before and tried to visit a different one once a year. Glacier and Yellowstone are my hands down favorites so I would drive across country, rent a little cabin near the park and spend 14 days by myself. Other than checking in with my family I didn’t have a lot of human contact for that time.
Was I scared? Hell yes. I was in unfamiliar territory by myself. I know some of you are also thinking that is crazy! A woman by herself traveling alone! But remember that was a long time ago and things were a lot different. I was very cautious and always had a gun and bear spray within reach.
This is one of the journal entries that first year.
DON’T BE AFRAID
Finding this little cabin in the middle of nowhere in the dark last night was not the greatest. But I fell in love with the place as soon as I got inside!
I unpacked clothes and food (loving the fact that I could bring some of my own home canned food to use), fixed a cup of tea and sat down at the small kitchen table.
Then it hit me. Holy shit! I only have 14 days here to get myself together and solve the world’s problems! I am alone and not sure what is around me (maniacs, serial killers, bears?!?). Suddenly being in one of my favorite places on earth didn’t sound like such a good idea.
I took a sip of sweet tea and kept telling myself over and over, “Don’t be afraid. Do not let your fear control you! This is what you are here for to overcome these fears!” Fears of failure, not fulfilling potentials, relationships, not being a good mother, getting old, losing love ones, being alone………the list goes on. Then there was the task of overcoming the fear of what I wanted to do most! Write.
Writing sounds pretty harmless so why am I afraid? Because the “life’s lessons” that I want to write about are very emotional for me. I have worked hard to build walls, stay in “control” and hide those feelings. “I’m fine” is my best line even when I am dying a little inside. So in order to do what I really feel led to do I must leave my emotions and a few pieces of gut on the paper. Am I ready?
Almost……..(to be continued).
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie